Tale of the ancient resident

The Second Life update was aborted yesterday as problems were identified at a late stage on the Beta Grid. When I logged on, the main grid was suffering from the old problems; failed teleporting, grey shapes, invisible friends, missing hair. I needed to vent my frustration so here is Second Life in the style of Samuel Taylor Colleridge.

It is an ancient resident,
And he stoppeth one n00bie.
`By thy flex hair and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me ?


Down dropped the frames, the speed dropt down,
'Twas sad as sad could be:
And we did chat only to break
The stillness we could see!

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a screenshot
On a Second Life promotion.

Green dots, green dots all around,
Yet no avatars I see,
A prisoner trapped in a crowd,
Bald, naked, shorn of finery.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist !
And still it neared and neared :
A name tag! my friend I see you now,
As past they plunged and veered.


He went like one that hath been stunned,
And is of sense forlorn :
A sadder and a wiser man,
He rose the morrow morn.

Apologies to Samuel Taylor Colleridge and The Tale of the Ancient Mariner

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.